December 30, 2003

and the #1 reason dan doesn't watch the news much is...

because the office of homeland security has stated that terrorists have been using the Farmer's Almanac to help them plan terror attacks, and has said that anyone carrying a dog-eared copy and looking suspicious has been reported immediately.

also the trucking industry around the great lakes is a purported target for terrorist attack.

in related news, the most dangerous Al-Qaeda operatives have been sighted eating organic mangoes; fresh, not dried. Tom Ridge personally vouches that anyone who shoots a mango-eater dead will not be charged with a crime provided that the deceased was shown to be shifty-eyed within the past 24 hours.

holy fucking hell!

so why are we looking for terrorists wielding superstitious weather predicting reading material? i think it's "CREDIBLE CHATTER"

ABDULLAH (takes a bong hit): "We shall get on shortwave and speak about "old farmer's almanac" " *coughs* *giggles*

HAYDER: "Yes, that will blow some minds over at CIA... oh oh, and trucks around great lakes... one set on fire once, right?" *giggles*

set change; office of homeland security listening post, static crashes and heterodynes audible on radio along with faint arabic voices; show young listener scribbling on pad and paper

the moral: for fuck's sake, VOTE, while remembering that Saddam Hussein was hardly a danger while hiding in a hole and some people are saying that it was actually the Kurds that found him.

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now news you can use:

don't forget my show at College Perk on the 9th of January (it's a Friday). I'll start around 8:30 p.m.

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odd thoughts:

cleveland is cool

drag shows should have more than four participants if they're going to cycle them

i'm going to use glowing spheres in my show

i probably won't play my mandolin, though i got a contact pickup that can be used on the mandolin and the banjo so you can hear them if i do play them

i wonder if poor richard's almanac is considered a terrorist threat?

"elephants are cute, but they know how to rock out"


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